What is natural self-confidence? Have you ever had it? Do you have it now? If not, where and how has it gone?

Our early experiences and the feedback we receive from them quickly determine how certain of comfort and safety we can be in our personal surroundings.
This sense of certainty adds to the balance of our self-confidence, just as experiences which undermine that certainty subtract from the balance of our self-confidence. Even Though there may be differences in character potentials between one infant and another, which are probably due to inherent genetic traits, self-confidence arises almost entirely from this process of feedback from experience.        

To put it simply, high levels of confidence are the result of preparation and positive experience.

The practicalities of life teach us that all learned experiences are not positive and we inevitably suffer setbacks. In these difficult times the balance of our self-confidence may not be increased and we may in fact have a learning experience leading to a feeling of helplessness which undermines our confidence. This is the case if you experience bullying.

Sometimes this learning process can be so complete that a very low level of self-confidence results and one can come to feel helpless in the face of almost everything. This leads to low levels of self esteem, overall lack of confidence and can even lead to depression. Problems of bullying.

Given that the level of confidence we experience is based on our life ‘experience bank balance’ one might ask where all these experiences are stored? The simple answer is that this balance is held at an unconscious level and it is there that we should look in order to change the way we feel about ourselves and the life circumstances we face. Even though we may have had unhelpful parents, difficult school days, emotional upsets and unavoidable bad luck we can still review and re-evaluate the effect of these experiences and release ourselves from their negativity. Click here for more advice for children and young people.

Here are a few tips and practical exercises we can use:

1. Stay in the present
2. Develop the ‘feel’ of being confident
3. Mental Rehearsal – it’s always real in your imagination
4. Don’t avoid things
5. Model someone who has the confidence you need – we’re all actors

Other ways to boost your confidence:

• Treat yourself to a new look with a semi permanent makeup treatment like eyebrows or lip liner
• Join a club or group to meet new people
• Buy yourself some new clothes or swap outfits with a friend

Do you have any more suggestions on how to boost your confidence? Let us know.